Getting By is Not Enough

Creativity never dies. It just gets stunted or tangled up when one doesn’t cultivate or nurture.

Outside my beautiful flower pots had become a tangled mess of live and dead flowers. As I began to separate them, I remembered the importance to prune. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the time to do that and it hurt the flowers in those pots.

As I began to untangle the flowers that became intertwined, I noticed several things that automatically translated into some life doings.

I had planted too many flowers in my large pots.

The nurseries recommend that you leave a few inches between each flower or plant. The reason they say this is because it gives the plant space to grow healthy, deep roots and flourish comfortably sideways.

• Sometimes we get so excited about different ventures that we take on way too much and do not slow down enough to ask ourselves if it enhances our current gifts or talents or hinders them. It gets further complicated because we tend not to learn any one thing well or let it take deep root and flourish correctly.
  

My flowers looked like they needed attention (badly).

Don’t get me wrong, I watered them almost everyday as needed. So they were getting the nutrition that they needed. However, water and fertilizer is not enough. A lot of flowers need to be pinched and pruned. This promotes the continuity of healthy growth. I neglected to do that although I knew I had to, and it was apparent by looking at them that they needed it.

• As we get older we learn that getting by is not enough. We understand that the investment of time and oneself is what ultimately brings desired results. If your life garden remains the same, it’s because you’re not doing enough to change it. Change is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Sometimes it’s necessary to cut back or drop certain things, habits and people so that the manifestation of your gifts and talents can flourish.
  

Dead Weight

As I untangled the flowers, many fell out automatically because they were unable to establish good roots. There were some that had become so long they looked straggly. Some had very dried leaves although they continued to flower. As I began to cut and search for all the dead sections, I noticed that they had become a negative weight to the healthy ones in the pot. The unhealthy and dead flowers were detrimental to the live ones.

• Just because something worked a certain way in the past to bring good results doesn’t mean that it will necessarily work in the present. When you look at successful people, there is one trait that you’ll notice. They’re not afraid to try the same something a different way which means whatever didn’t work gets filed away and used only as a learning reference.

Where did all the flowers go?

I should be sad to report that my pots look pretty miserable right now and although it’s true, the pots look pretty pathetic, I know from experience that in a few short weeks, those pots will be filled with gorgeous healthy flowers. And…if that doesn’t work, I can always put new pretty ones in.

• Less for the most part is always more. One thing that maturity in age teaches you is that when you slow down, it provides you insight and perspective you cannot get when you’re in a constant blaze. You appreciate more therefore your output has quality and not necessarily quantity. Your craft becomes polished and achieves what it was destined for in the first place.

When I looked at the heap of dead flowers on the ground, I was reminded of one of my new friends and online business trainer who we affectionately call Tazy. He constantly reminds us the importance of learning something well and successfully before taking on what’s next.

Challenge yourself into growth today. Look at your life garden and see what needs to be pruned and pulled. Once you do, patiently nurture, cultivate and wait for growth. You may have to add new plants but that’s the beauty of the garden of life. We can always change what we want to see grow.

Lil b Vs. C

This morning when I was taking my daughter to school, I noticed a little bird, in hot pursuit of a crow at least 5-6x its size. She bumped him several times until he was out of her territory. The crow did not turn back and fight. As a matter of fact, he coward and was trying his best to get away from her. It was obvious she was a mama bird, as she returned to the location of where her nest must have been. If it was just for territory, I applaud her for her fearless display.

There was a lesson to be learned in what I just witnessed. The little bird often represents us. We often hover over our dreams and when the conviction runs deep, whenever a negative giant comes our way, we stand our ground. That negative giant can come in all forms but the most common one is through people. Reality is not everyone is going to share your same dream or vision. Some will be jealous. Others will think it impossible because of their negative lifestyle.

Negativity does not only come from people. It also comes from within. We let fear overtake us and let it become the driver of our actions. Fear always halts the progress of dreams. Another factor is perception. Perhaps you view yourself as less than and you were told you would never amount to anything. Don’t believe it. The expectation for you and I is greatness. In all things, we should strive for excellence. Don’t be afraid to be great. Too many times we settle in being recognized as good rather than the best. This, my friend, is not a lack of humility. It’s the endeavor to mirror God in all areas of life.

Learn to turn off the negative. Fiercely protect your dreams. Be fearless and relentless like the little bird. Be the best that you can be and don’t be afraid to chase those big, black negative lurkers from outside and within.

Recommended Reading: The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 6

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer
This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and tests.

Friday, June 16, 2006 9:46 AM

Well I am on the final phase now of treatment. This next phase of treatment is a two parter.

I started Herceptin on Wednesday (June 14th). I will be doing Herceptin every three weeks for a year. The Herceptin hit me hard. I had a fever of 100.5 from 5PM until around 2PM when I finally fell asleep. Yesterday, I felt weak all day. I still went for a walk and I felt better after the walk. Funny, this is day two and I still feel dizzy. I hope that passes. Herceptin is given intravenously though my port. The first dose was given slowly as the first dose usually has the strongest effect on you. The first dose takes around 90 minutes. The second dose will take an hour and then all subsequent doses if well tolerated will take 30 minutes. I will have to go to the hospital for every transfusion. Herceptin can be given weekly or every three weeks. If weekly the dosage is a Loading dose 4Mg/Kg IV (of body weight) followed by weekly dose of 2Mg/Kg. The 3 Week schedule is: Loading dose 8Mg/Kg IV followed by a dose of 6Mg/Kg every 3 weeks.

I was going to start a clinical trial designed for pre menopausal women to study Tamoxifen alone, Tamoxifen plus Triptorelin (chemical ovarian suppression) or Exemestane (aromasin) plus Triptorelin; however treatment has left me with chemo induced menopause. This is temporary as I’m still having my periods (sorry gentlemen if this is too much information). I will have my estrogen tested in four weeks to see if I am still in menopause and we will go from there. In the mean time I am going to take Tamoxifen alone. I have a father’s day party planned for Saturday with 11 people coming to my house so I think I will start Tamoxifen on Sunday. I am nervous about the side effects. There is a really long list. If I stay menopausal, then there are lots of options for me for the next five years. If I am still pre menopausal then the standard treatment is only Tamoxifen, so that is why I want to go on the clinical trial. More studies and more options are needed for women under 50. This is a long road and I will not feel cured and normal again until after I pass this five year mark. I hate that I have to take medication for five years. I have never liked taking pills.

Hey, my hair and eyelashes are really coming back now. I now have enough hair to go without my scarves and hats. Its really really short but hey, I don’t care. I gave up the false eyelashes, my lashes are back now enough that a little mascaras makes them look almost as long as they used to. My hairs not blond any more, it’s coming back much darker and grayer. Hey, its hair. I’ll color it back when it gets long enough. I tell people that I have an American idol hair cut. I went bald for Chris and now that it’s coming back gray, it’s my Taylor Hicks look.

Funny, a friend of mine asked me last night why I still have to have treatments, he assumed I was cured. I would love to think that by the grace of the Lord that I am cured and that all the Cancer cells are gone. That I poisoned them with chemo and burned them with radiation and that this next phase is just insurance; however most secondary reoccurrences happen in the first 18-24 months. In studies, Tamoxifen has shown to reduce reoccurrences by up to 50%. Herceptin is given only to patients who are HER2+. HER2+ is a form of aggressive Cancer, where the Cancer proliferates faster than usual. Herceptin binds to HER2+ Cancer cells and blocks them from dividing and growing. Herceptin also has a great success rate. I feel great and people tell me that I look healthy. So, I am going to live life like I am healthy. I do not want to live in fear of a reoccurrence.

Reoccurrences happen in two ways, another primary Cancer or a secondary Cancer. Another primary is surgically curable. It is treated very much like the first time, however if you get another primary in the same breast, you can not radiate it twice so a mastectomy is most often required if you had a lumpectomy the first time. A secondary Cancer is Breast Cancer that has spread to a second organ, like your lungs, liver, bones etc. There is no cure for this and it can not be surgically removed. Some people live up to ten years with secondary Breast Cancers. Of course when you are faced with a life threatening disease you do tend to look at life different. Many things change, the way you eat for sure and the way you take care of your body. I hope I can stick to a healthier life style and that this beast does NOT come back.

Scheduled to start back to work the week after next, so I’ll see (hypothetically speaking) some of you then. Thank you all again for your emails, cards, prayers, concerns and thoughts; they have meant the world to me during this treatment phase.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 9:53 AM

I went to a lecture last night from a local oncologist who was asked to speak at our Breast Cancer support group on anti-estrogen therapy for Breast Cancer. He asked if there were any questions, so of course I said “Yes, I am triple positive and have recently read that the combination of ER+ and HER2+ is creating Tamoxifen resistance in those patients. I have also heard that sometimes Tamoxifen actually acts like an activator instead of an antagonist. My ONC assures me these are only animal/lab studies and not done on humans. Is this correct?”

His lecture was fascinating. He covered everyone’s questions in his explanation on Tamoxifen and the newer Aromatase Inhibitors (AI). He compared the two and explained why AIs are not effective for pre menopausal women. As, I am pre menopausal there is no standard treatment other than Tamoxifen. The reason AIs will not work for pre menopausal women is that the ovaries and the pituitary gland have feed back to each other so when an AI tries to shut the estrogen down the pituitary gland it says “Hey, I need more estrogen” and the ovaries respond and create more. This doesn’t happen when the ovaries are shut down either chemically or by menopause because there is no one home to answer the pituitary gland when it demands more so it basically shuts up. AIs are not strong enough to shut down all the estrogen that the ovaries produce. They work on the other systems that create estrogen such as your skin and adrenal glands.

He then went into what is becoming a newly discovered problem and that is the cross talk between the estrogen receptor and the HER2 receptor. He confirmed that these are only animal/lab studies and not done on humans; however what they have found is that when you add the biologic therapy of Herceptin that the Herceptin blocks the cross talk because it binds to the HER2 protein and blocks it from dividing and therefore makes the Tamoxifen effective again. So while I am on Herceptin, I will not have to worry about Tamoxifen activating residual Cancer cells. He also said that the more ER+ you are the more effective hormonal therapy is. I am 16% ER+, so my chances of not getting a reoccurrence and DFS (Disease Free Survival) are improved.

I start Tamoxifen today, and today I feel good about the drug.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Had my second Herceptin treatment this week and I really had no ill effects. Mom and dad took me to treatment this time. Dave had always taken me but I didn’t want him to burn up all his vacation. I wanted Mom and dad to go so they would understand and not feel as scared about my prognosis. Mom said it was a little like Deja Vu as she frequently took my sister Gale to treatment. I enjoyed going with them and for the next year they insist on driving me to my Herceptin infusion. I am glad for the company.

I take my Tamoxifen every night and so far I have no negative side effects from that either. My hair is slowly coming back. It is trying to be really curly. I am really spoiled by not having to fix my hair. I am still in chemopause, so my endocrine therapy will remain the same. I told my Oncologist that as we are planning a trip to Tahiti in September for our 20^th wedding anniversary and I am really feeling good on the medications I am on right now, so I do not want to change therapies until after I return. I will have my estrogen rechecked in September and then we will decide if I enter the clinical trial.

I took all the cards and letters that I received over the last 7 months off the fridge in preparation of my return to work this month. I want to believe that I am though this nightmare. I have to believe in my heart that I am cancer free. I kept a brave face and good spirits though out the last seven months. I cannot live me life waiting for this monster to come back. I will continue to eat a better diet with at least five servings of fruits and vegetables. I will avoid high fat foods, white flours, processed foods and sugars as much as possible. I will exercise at least 30 minutes per day. I will continue to cherish the fact that I have a wonderful supportive and loving family. The next five years will be the true test.

Thursday September 7, 2006

Well, Dave and I are getting ready to leave for our twenty wedding anniversary trip to French Polynesian. We will visit Tahiti, Moorea, Bora Bora and Manihi. Can’t wait!!! I told my ONC that I wanted to wait until after my trip to test my estrogen levels again. I feel good on the Tamoxifen and have no side effects. Quality of life is good. I have been back to work since July and right now I feel like I never left. My hair is growing back very nicely. It’s curly and back to blond. It first came in more gray then blond, but now that it’s in its definitely more blond than gray. Funny, my eyelashes have fallen out for the second time. I guess I will have to bring false ones on vacation.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I had my first hair cut this year on November 4^th. Never thought it would take 8 months before I would need a trim. I want to enjoy the curls while I have them. I have heard that you only get curls for the first year and then your hair goes back to the way it was before chemo.

As Chemotherapy and Herceptin are hard on your heart I had a MUGA scan in December 2005 before I started chemo and another last Tuesday (November 7^th). A MUGA (Multiple Gated Acquisition scan) scan is a “movie” of the beating heart. The MUGA scan measures the ejection fraction of the left ventricle. The ejection fraction is simply the proportion of blood that is expelled from the left ventricle with each heart beat. So, for instance, if the left ventricle ejects 60% of its blood volume with each beat, the LVEF is 0.6. A normal LVEF is 0.5 or greater. In December 2005 my first scan was 63% and after 11 months of treatment my second scan actually showed a 2% improvement. I have been trying to do at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day, so I guess that has paid off.

Tuesday November 14 marked the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. As most metastasis reoccurrences occur in the first 18 months, I have to wait until June 7^th to hit that first milestone. The counting should start at the anniversary of surgery and my surgery was December 7^th 2005.

My Final Thoughts

Tell you what – I’ll save my final thoughts and give them to you when I’m…….say………64? Oh what the heck, let’s make it 84!

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 5

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer: This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and tests.

Thursday, March 23, 2006 12:56 PM

Last week was my FINAL Chemo and it was a rough one, but its over now. I also had an ultrasound last week of my liver, gallbladder, kidneys and spleen and every thing was clear. I promised my Mom that if the ultrasound was clear that I would stop worrying. Last week I was planning my final days on earth. This week I feel great. I guess the big C will do that to you.

I met a women who is 6 weeks out of Chemo (she also had Taxol only) and she has fuzz on her head. So by early May, I will have hair again. YEAH!! I really want my eyelashes and eyes brow back more than my hair. I did not lose them all but I have no bottom eyelashes and only about a 1/3 of the top eyelashes I had before C.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 1:54 PM

It’s been awhile since I wrote. I am in my second week of radiation. 25 more treatments to go. So far it is very routine. The drive back and forth is longer then the treatment. Kristie gave me an aloe plant and I take a leaf with me every day and after treatment, I cut it open and spread it on. So far, I have had no adverse reactions to the radiation. Of course they say that it takes two weeks before you will have adverse reactions, soooo fingers crossed.

My eyelashes continue to fall out and it has been 5 weeks since my last chemo round. I now have about 3 eyelashes on each eye and really no eye brows. Unfortunately, I have heard that it takes about 3 months before they start to come back. So, I lost my hair, but not my all my lashes and now just when my hair is starting to come back, I have no lashes. Hey, I guess things could be a whole lot worse. I should be finished with radiation around the first of June and then start on Herceptin June 14^th and I plan to return to work on June 26^th. I thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts.

Thursday, June 01, 2006 3:18 PM

Completed radiation yesterday. Yeah!!! Radiation was five times a week and between the treatment and the drive it took all morning. Radiation was tiring, but it was a cake walk compared to Chemo. The radiation gave me a rash on my breast. I peeled like a bad sunburn, but I think my skin will recover nicely. I am really glad I used the aloe plant leaves or it could have been much worse. I cut the leaves vertically and the aloe liquid oozed out. Great for burns and cuts.

I didn’t really realize how bad I was feeling on chemo until after it was out of my system. They say radiation stays in your system and continues to work for two weeks after you quit. I have been really tired this week, but as most of you know Charlie’s wedding was this past week end and we had the wedding reception at our home. It was a beautiful wedding and the reception went off with out any incidents. We had about 75 people at our home but had lots of great help setting it up and cleaning it up. Between the wedding and daily radiation, I think I am just worn out and now need to rest.

My hair and eye lashes are both growing back. I never thought I would go around in front of people without hair when I first started treatment, but I am comfortable looking like Sinéad O’Connor. I have discovered the beauty of false eyelashes. They do not all have to look fake and they are so easy once you learn the trick. I may keep wearing them.

Next step is Herceptin and a clinical trial involving Tamoxifen & aromatase inhibitors. This will happen on June 14^th. That gives by body time to heal from the radiation.

Technical stuff next:

Herceptin is not chemotherapy. It is a monoclonal antibody (sometimes called biologic therapy). Antibodies are part of the body's normal defense against bacteria, viruses, and abnormal cells such as Cancer cells. Herceptin targets cells that make too much HER-2. HER-2 is a protein found on the surface of Cancer cells. 25% of Breast Cancers are HER-2+. HER-2 + Cancer tumor are more aggressive and tend to grow back faster. My Cancer was HER-2+. Herceptin binds to HER2-positive Cancer cells and may block them from dividing and growing. It may also signal the body's own immune system to destroy the cell. Herceptin, a monoclonal antibody, zeroes in on Cancer cells much more closely than chemotherapy drugs do, thereby sparing surrounding tissue. Because it's a monoclonal antibody and not a chemotherapy drug, Herceptin doesn't bring about the same side effects as chemotherapy drugs do, such as nausea and vomiting, hair loss, and increased risk of infection. And Herceptin is not an anti-estrogen treatment, so it doesn't cause side effects related to the lowering of estrogen levels, such as bone thinning or hot flashes. However, Herceptin does increase your risk of congestive heart failure. Although this risk is low, trials don’t yet provide long-term outcomes, so it's possible this risk could increase over time.

IBCSG-24-02: Estrogen can stimulate the growth of breast tumor cells. Ovarian function suppression combined with hormone therapy using tamoxifen or exemestane may fight Breast Cancer by reducing the production of estrogen. It is not yet known whether suppression of ovarian function plus either tamoxifen or exemestane is more effective than tamoxifen alone in preventing the recurrence of hormone-responsive Breast Cancer.

Tamoxifen is a medication in pill form that interferes with the activity of estrogen. Estrogen promotes the growth of Breast Cancer cells. Tamoxifen works against the effects of estrogen on these cells. It is often called an “anti-estrogen.” Estrogen is produced by the ovaries and other tissues of the body, using a substance called aromatase. Aromatase inhibitors do not block estrogen production by the ovaries, but they can block other tissues from making this hormone. Unfortunately for me, the most effective treatments today are for post menopausal women and I am still pre menopausal. This is one time (and hey retirement) that I wish I was older.

Tamoxifen and exemestane (AI) both block the growth of breast tumors that respond to estrogen, but the two drugs work in different ways. Tamoxifen interferes with the ability of Breast Cancer cells to use estrogen for growth, whereas exemestane interferes with the body's ability to make estrogen.

Exemestane inactivates the enzyme aromatase, which the body uses to make estrogen. Before menopause, most estrogen is produced in the ovaries, which contain more aromatase than exemestane can block. After menopause, however, the ovaries are no longer a major source of estrogen, and exemestane is able to block estrogen production by other tissues. Therefore, exemestane and other so-called aromatase inhibitors (AIs) are effective only in postmenopausal women which is why they I am joining clinical trial IBCSG-24-02.

Most Breast Cancers need supplies of the hormone estrogen to grow. Production of estrogen by the ovaries is stimulated by a hormone called leuteinising hormone, which is produced by the pituitary gland. Goserelin (brand name: Zoladex) stops the production of leuteinising hormone from the pituitary gland, which leads to a reduction in estrogen levels. The Cancer cells then grow more slowly or stop growing altogether. The Cancer may shrink in size.

Triptorelin is a luteinizing hormone releasing hormone, or LHRH agonist. These medicines work by slowing or stopping the release of estrogen in women and testosterone in men. Triptorelin, which has been used effectively for prostate Cancer, is in the same family as leuprolide (brand name: Lupron) and goserelin (brand name: Zoladex). This medicine is being studied in other trials for its effectiveness in preserving fertility in pre-menopausal women with early-stage Breast Cancer.

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 4

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer: This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and tests.

I signed up for three clinic studies yesterday. I am going to say YES to any study they ask me to do. One, I want this stopped so my future granddaughters do not have to deal with this and two they are going to be watching me for 10-15 years and I want to be around to be watched.

The day started out in surgery at 8:00AM when I had a port placed in my chest so that they can give me the chemo without injecting it in my veins. You know, I HATE needles. Knowing I will not have to have needles for the next year will be a blessing. I was more scared of the surgery than the chemo, but it was not bad at all and after I signed up for all these studies, I had 8 tubes of blood drawn from the port. I would have been on the floor passed out before they got to number 5 if they had to take it from a vein in my arm. We didn’t leave the hospital until almost 7 O’clock. Chemo took over 5 hours.

The three studies I signed up for are:

One the chemo drug I am now taking. This study is only for lymph node negative patients. If I was node +, my chemo treatment would have been 4 rounds of doxorubicin (Adriamycin - A) with cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan - C), and 4 rounds of Paclitaxel (Taxol) T.

So, this clinic study wants to see if node negative women like me who do not need aggressive chemo treatments will do better with A or T as dose dense standalone chemo treatments for 4 or 6 rounds. My randomization gave me 6 rounds (12 weeks) of Taxol (T).

I was very happy with my randomization because A is very hard on you heart and is the chemo that really makes you nauseated. Taxol is hard on your fast growing cells like hair and nails but they grow back. Taxol is also used more commonly for advanced Cancers that have spread. I was scared to be on Adriamycin because I will be taking Herceptin for a year after radiation stops. This is an antibody drug that can be hard on you heart but has no real side effects.

Herceptin is a fairly new drug and the long term effects on your heart are not yet fully known. If Herceptin had been around 10 years ago when my sister died of Breast Cancer she may still be with us.

The second clinic study I signed up for is DNA testing. All they need from me is my blood. This study is doing DNA and environmental studies on women with breast disease.

The third study is more of a touchy feely study to see how committed couples feel and support each other during treatment. Dave was not crazy about this but was willing to help as it is important to me and I think we can be helpful to other couples who do not know how to talk to each other and can not deal with this beast. This study will entail me calling in for 30 days to report how I am feeling and how Dave is supporting me. We will also attend biweekly education sessions to discuss Breast Cancer. We will also have sessions where we openly discussed issues that are bothering us as related to the Cancer diagnosis. We will repeat these open sessions in six months.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006 10:00 AM

I got the best news yesterday that I have had so far. My genetic testing results came back yesterday and they were negative of all genetic mutations. What this means is no further surgery is needed. If I had been positive for genetic mutations, I ran a high risk of reoccurrence so a double mastectomy and the removal of the ovaries would be recommended. Now I do not have to face that decision. I was tested because my sister and grandmother both died young from Breast Cancer. My sister was diagnosed at 37 and died at 40 and my grandmother was diagnosed at 43 and died at 53.

Last night, I finally slept the whole night without medication assistance. The chemo regiment I’m on is known for joint pain. I’ve had cramping in my lower back and legs. Friday night I swore I was going though labor again. The pre chemo meds also have steroids in them so insomnia is quite common during chemo. I’ve been wide awake at 3 in the morning and 5 in the morning. Hey, only 5 more treatments. I can do this! My next round of chemo is next Tuesday, January 17^th. I am scheduled for a bone scan that day also.

Genetic testing: In 1990, the BRCA 1/2 genes, which are tumor-suppressor genes linked to genetic Breast Cancer, was discovered, and in 1991 scientists found that the gene was linked with genetic ovarian Cancer, too. The families who have this gene tend to have a high incidence of Breast Cancer, often at a young age, as well as ovarian Cancer.

Thursday, January 19, 2006 4:41 PM

Had another piece of great news today. On Tuesday, I had a bone scan performed. The bone scan showed no sign of Breast Cancer in my bones. This was a fairly easy scan. They inject you with a shot of radioactive die and then you wait two hours and then the machine takes pictures of your skeleton. Dave stayed in the room so it was a safe procedure. We had fun playing with the traces I made on the machine while we were waiting for the technician to return after the tests were completed. The bones are one of the most common places for Breast Cancer to spread. The Lungs and the liver are also common places. So far, NO secondary Cancers.

My second round of Chemo was on Tuesday (only 4 more rounds to go) and I am really tired but do not have many cramps yet. It usually gets worse on the 3^rd to 5^th day.

I am close to being hairless. I had my hair cut pixie short last week but my hair is coming out now very freely. I guess I’m gonna ask Dave to buzz it off tonight. I have plenty of scarves and hats and I knew this was coming. I actually kept my hair a little longer than average. Its funny, my head is really sore to the touch, it feels like little gremlins are pulling my hair out all over.

Well, Dave buzzed it way down and now I am the opposite of a bald guy. I have short hair (not much) on the top and none on the sides. Hey, you know it doesn’t really bother me. Scarves and hats are fun. I go around the house bald and don’t care. Really thought I would not want anyone to see me bald headed. I thought I would look like an Alien.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 12:48 PM

Third chemo treatment was yesterday all went well. 3 down 3 more to go. I am really tired today. My White blood counts are down now. The optimum range for your white blood count is 4-5.2; mine is 3.2. My Absolute Neutrophill count (ANC) is also low. The optimum range for your ANC count is 2 to 7.5; mine is 1.4. This means I am at a high risk for infection and I need to avoid crowds and anyone who has been sick. I must stay away from raw meats and the litter box etc. The term for my condition is Neutropenia. Currently my counts show only a mild case.

I also joined another study group yesterday. This one is how patients spend them time during chemo and they will be given a lap top during the time to surf the web or write my Cancer story.

Thursday, March 02, 2006 9:59 AM

Fourth Chemo was yesterday and so far it was the easiest one yet. My White blood count it still down; however my Absolute Neutrophill Count (ANC) was up a little. This time it was 1.6. Two more chemos to go and I am done. Dave, David, Kim, Charlie and I have along weekend scheduled for the beach to celebrate the end of Chemo and David’s 21^st birthday. Thank you all again for the cards and your concerns. I feel the power of your prayers

Thursday, March 02, 2006 9:59 AM

Had my second to last Chemo on Tuesday. The last round was one of the worst I have had. I was tired beyond the first week and had the tingles in my feet. I actually had a day where I had to go back to bed. I have been trying hard not to do that so I can keep my strength up.

So far this last round has been OK, but then the first two days are usually good. The first Fridays and the first weekend are the worst days. My white blood count although still not within normal range is up a lot from last time. It is now 3.6. Normal range is 4.5 – 11. But my ANC or absolute Neuts is the number that the doctors are most concerned with and this is now within range. It is 2.1 and the desired range is 2.0-7.5.

Absolute Neutrophil Count (ANC) is a test used to measure the amount of WBCs you have to fight infections. White Blood cells (WBCS) - There are several different types of white blood cells, each with their own function in protecting the body from germs. Three major types include: neutrophils, monocytes, and lymphocytes. Neutrophils are the same cells as neuts, granulocytes, polys, or PMN's (just different names). Neutrophils kill most regular bacteria. Monocytes kill germs such as tuberculosis. Lymphocytes are responsible for killing viruses and for overall management of the immune system. Lymphocytes recognize foreign material and increase the body's resistance to infection. WBCs play a major role in fighting infection. Infections are therefore more likely to occur when there are too few normal WBCs in the body.

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 3

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer: This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and tests.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005 12:42 PM

Spoke to the Doctor at the CCC today and to move forward we are going to add the lumpectomy to Friday’s (December 2) surgery. This way we can accurately get my Cancer staged and know how to treat THIS Cancer. Prevention is a discussion for another time. After we have the tumor accurately sized and staged, know if there is lymph node invasion and get the genetic test results back we can determine if mastectomies are recommended.

Thursday, December 01, 2005 9:14 AM

Surgery & the radioactive die injection will be moved out to next Wednesday, December 7th. I’m happy about the move, it gives me the weekend to finish up everything for Christmas and really get prepared. My last work day for the year will be Tuesday December 6th.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 4:15 PM

The surgery will be from 2PM to 4:30PM. Please send prayers and thoughts for me at that time. I will have the die injection in the morning. Dave will send an updated email on Thursday.

Thursday, December 08, 2005 12:34 AM

Diane underwent the lumpectomy and lymph node removals at around 3PM today and all went smoothly. The surgeon removed a golf ball diameter tissue mass, smaller than anticipated, and removed two lymph nodes.
Pathology reports on the actual tumor size and potential lymph node invasion will be discussed with us next Wednesday at the surgeon’s office. Until then, Diane is to rest as much as possible until she feels able to get out for some light walking exercise.

Tonight she was in no pain at bedtime, but still a bit radioactive from the pre-surgical injections. Nothing to worry about – she’s not glowing in the dark.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 10:40 AM

Well, I have fantastic news. My lymph nodes were clear.

The pathology report of the tumor and sentinel node state: there is no evidence of lymph vascular space invasion. The tumor was 1.8 cm and was grade 2-3. Grade 2-3 means moderate to fast growing Cancerous cells. I have stage 1C IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma). Pathology reports shows Hormone receptors + for estrogen and + for progesterone and + for HER2. I start chemo on January 3 and will be most likely participating in a clinical study for chemo drugs so the duration of the chemo will be 8-12 weeks depending on the study group that I am slotted for. I will then have radiation for 5-7 weeks.

Chemo was inevitable due to the tumor size (over 1.5cm warrants chemo) and my young age (Yes 47 is young for Breast Cancer, most Breast Cancers occur in older women) and that my Cancer is aggressive. During the initial biopsy the pathology tests for hormone receptors (a positive outcome is desired here as they know how to treat this and I was +) and they check for HER2 status. This HER 2 status shows how aggressive the Cancer is. A negative outcome is desired here and my FISH test was +3.4, any thing over +2 is aggressive. Chemo is used to ensure that all microscopic Cancer cells are destroyed. I will also have to take a new drug called Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year due to my HER2 status. This drug has no real side effects. It is a little rough on your heart but I’ll have my heart tested to ensure I can handle all this. I will most likely be able to return to work end of June.

I truly want to thank everyone for their prayers, thoughts and cards. I truly believe it was the prayers that resulted in this positive outcome.

Only one more test that I pray comes back negative and that is the genetic testing. If the genetic testing is negative, I’ll need NO further surgery, if the genetic testing is positive then I have the big decisions to make to avoid reoccurrence. So please don’t stop praying yet.

Thursday, January 05, 2006 2:30 PM

It’s been awhile since I have written – hope I don’t bore you all to death. First I want to thank everyone for your prayers, cards, letters concerns and thoughts. I know the prayers are helping. I can feel the love and support I am getting from old and new friends and especially my family. I am truly blessed with an awesome Husband, outstanding children, a wonderful mom & dad, and tremendous sister/sister in laws. I have never felt closer to my family.

I have almost fully recovered from my lumpectomy. I have 95% range of motion in my left arm and the bruising is 99% gone. The only thing I still have is a large build up of fluid and scar tissue where the lump was removed but that is softening up every day. Funny, the blue dye that they injected around the tumor is still a stain on my skin. I was really more scared about the dye injection then the surgery as you have to be awake for the injections. But, it was not so bad. First they numb your skin so they can insert a guide wire to locate the mass for the surgeon. Because the skin is numb the needles for the die don’t really hurt. They injected me three times around the lump. They then did several mammograms to be sent to in to surgery to show the guide wire and the mass. Every time I changed rooms they had to sweep the room with a Geiger counter to ensure I was not leaving radio active residue. I felt like I was in a sci-fi movie. A good friend of mine loves all the Star Wars movies and the last thing he said to me was that “the force was strong with me”. I could not help but smile when I was walking around radio active feeling like a Star Wars Jedi.

Had a scare over the holidays; The MRI I had gotten in November showed an enlarged lymph node at 6 o’clock in the right breast, so my surgical oncologist wanted to look at that again on a ultrasound. As he wasn’t concerned about it, I scheduled it on the same day I had my MUGA scan (Multiple Gated Acquisition scan).

A MUGA Scan is a noninvasive test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of the heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. (More on MUGA below for those who want more.) Well, the Doctor could not find anything at 6 O’clock so he kept looking and found another tumor in the good breast. We were leaving from the CCC for a long weekend at the beach to end the holidays, so we scheduled my second needle biopsy for the first of this week.

Well, thank God it was a Fibroadema. A Fibroadema is a non Cancerous tumor that will most likely never turn into Cancer so it can be left alone unless it gets painful. But over the weekend, I had to worry, do I have bilateral Cancer?; has my Cancer spread that fast?; why wasn’t this seen before?

Waiting on the results of the biopsy delayed Chemo one day. So I have my first round of Chemo was yesterday and I know it is still early, but I feel really good. I am tired and a little achy but no nausea at all. Dave and I had a good laugh last night, the anti nausea medicine they give you has some really extreme side effects. One is lip smacking and uncontrolled muscle movements and mask like expressions. I asked Dave to please come and check on me after I went to bed as we were laughing at his imitation of me if I really had all those side effects. Fortunately I had a great nights sleep.

The MUGA scan is important as Chemo drugs are very hard on your heart. A MUGA scan is performed by attaching a radioactive substance, Technetium 99, to red blood cells, then injecting the red blood cells into the patient’s bloodstream. (The level of radiation to which a patient is exposed during this test is considered minimal.) The patient is then placed under a special camera (a gamma camera), and with some computer manipulation, a “movie” of the beating heart is made. From this moving image, the MUGA scan gives an accurate and reproducible way to measure the ejection fraction of the left ventricle.

The left ventricular ejection fraction (LVEF) is an excellent measure of overall cardiac function. The ejection fraction is simply the proportion of blood that is expelled from the ventricle with each heart beat. So, for instance, if the left ventricle ejects 60% of its blood volume with each beat, the LVEF is 0.6. (A normal LVEF is 0.5 or greater). Mine was 63%.

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 2

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer: This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and test.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I met with the oncologist today and Friday I have an MIR. I am fortunate to live in a state with two National Comprehensive Cancer Centers. Next Wednesday I am going to a Comprehensive Cancer Center for another opinion. So I have not decided where I am going to have treatment, but I am leaning towards the Comprehensive Cancer Center. The Cancer Center will run their own tests again and between the two, I will know what all my options are.

It’s astounding that so many women get Breast Cancer. I am also going to start eating better. Daily vitamins, lots of water a day and I will avoid sugars. Man that will be hard. I have read that not only should you avoid sugar, but you should watch when you eat it. Never eat sugar before a meal as this will spike your insulin. Only eat sugar and fruits after a meal. Also I need to exercise more. The American Cancer Society recommends at least 30 minutes a day of moderate exercise. The Institute for Cancer Research recommends an hour of moderate exercise each day and one hour of vigorous exercise each week.

Thursday, November 17, 2005 6:28 PM
Due to the size of my tumor, young age of 47 (yes, I am young for Cancer), pre menopausal, and STRONG family history (sister and grandmother) I am going to have to do Chemotherapy. So, surgery, Chemo and then radiation. This will be a 7 month battle and I was hoping for 2 months.

Saturday, November 19, 2005 4:19 PM

Great News, the MRI shows I have no other Cancerous tumors in either breast. So, we only have the one tumor. Ahead is the surgery which will show if it is in the lymph nodes. I feel good about both of these. I didn’t realize how scared I was of the MRI results until the doctors office called with the good news and I started to cry.

Friday, November 25, 2005 9:04 AM

Went to the Comprehensive Cancer Center (CCC) on Wednesday, Nov 23 for a second opinion, fully expecting to hear the same thing I had heard before, but I did not hear the same thing. The CCC believes we need to do genetic testing to determine the risks of reoccurrence. If I am positive for the mutated BRCA1 & BRCA2 gene, I run the risk of a 40-70% chance of reoccurrence and the CCC recommendation is double mastectomy. The CCC doctor also does not want to talk about chemo until the lump is actually removed and then sized.

Right now I am playing a waiting game, the genetic testing takes 5 – 6 weeks so the surgery is on hold until the first of the year. I hate waiting that long and am not sure I am willing to give up both my breasts even if the results come back +. Further discussions are needed with the doctors. On the schedule is the sentinel node surgery on Friday December 2. Thursday December 1, I will be injected with blue radioactive die that will locate my sentinel node; they will then remove the mass and determine if the Cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. This test and the size of the tumor will indicate if I need chemo. If there is no Cancer in the lymph nodes and the tumor is smaller than 1.5 CM then I will not necessarily need chemo. The MRI showed the tumor at 2.2 cm so I fear chemo is inevitable.

BRCA-1 is a gene which, when damaged (mutated), places a woman at greater risk of developing breast and/or ovarian Cancer, compared with women who do not have the mutation. In a woman with a BRCA1 mutation, the estimated lifetime risk of developing Breast Cancer is about 50% compared with 12% in the general population. A person who has this mutated gene has a 50% chance of passing on the gene to each of her children.

BRCA2 is a gene which, when damaged or mutated, puts the carrier at a much higher risk for developing Breast Cancer and/or ovarian Cancer than the general population. In a woman with a BRCA2 mutation, the estimated lifetime risk of developing Breast Cancer is 50-60%. BRCA 2 and BRCA1 together account for about 80% of the Breast Cancer that occurs in women with strong family histories of the disease.

Diane's Breast Cancer Story - 1

When Diane shared her story with me, I asked if I could post it for others to read. All of us know of someone whose life has been turned upside down by breast cancer. What I found over the years is that a lot of us do not know how to be proactive when it comes to our health. Most of the times, we're too busy to pay attention. Sadly we care for others better than ourselves, and we wait until we're literally crawling into the ER before we acknowledge that there is something wrong. This is our body, God's temple and we need to care for it but in order to do that, we must make the effort to educate ourselves and raise awareness for others.

There will be several posts that represent updates she sent family and friends via email. It allows us a glimpse of heart struggle and her relentless search for answers.

Thanks Diane... xo

Disclaimer: This is a true story. This represents the writer’s opinion only and should not be used as a medical guide. The writer does not claim that medical information contained in this story is completely accurate, current or error free. The writer is not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or any other damages arising out of or in connection with the information provided in this story. Please consult your physician for all medical procedures, advice, plan of actions and tests

Being diagnosed with Breast Cancer was especially scary for me as my sister and grandmother both died young from the disease. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on November 14, 2005. My story began with our annual family beach trip.

In August 2005, my family and I drove to North Topsail Beach, NC for our yearly family vacation. That particular day, we had all spent many hours swimming in both the ocean and the pool, so when I found the lump in my left breast I assumed it was caused by muscle exertion from the exercise. Not knowing for sure, I called my OB GYN and scheduled an appointment. My OB GYN referred me to a breast center for a mammogram. The breast center performed a mammogram and an ultrasound and determined that the lump appeared to be normal breast tissue. As my sister died 10 years ago from Breast Cancer, this news was what I wanted to hear and I didn’t worry about the lump any longer. In hind site, I wish I had been more aggressive and insisted on a needle biopsy.

My mother periodically asked if the lump was still there. Ironically the lump changed in size and on the day of my visit to the breast center, the lump was barely palpable. Fortunately for me, I had my yearly mammogram scheduled for early November and the lump was questionable on that mammogram. When I was called back, I still wasn’t concerned. The call back was Nov. 11^th. That day they performed a needle biopsy, and as I hate needles I was more afraid of the procedure than the results. I waited over the weekend for the test results. Over the course of the weekend, I went back and forth with how I felt, at times I was convinced I was going to die and at times I convinced myself it was nothing to worry about.

On Monday, Nov 14^th, my husband Dave and I received the news that it was indeed Breast Cancer. We were both shocked and scared. I was also angry that they did not find this in August. So, the doctor showed me mammogram slides from 2001 and sure enough there was a big white area on the slides. Since this area never really changed from mammogram to mammogram, they were unconcerned. In the future, I will always look at my mammogram films. Every woman should be aggressive with her own mammogram reports. She should be informed as to what a normal mammogram should look like and if there is a questionable area, she should ask about a needle biopsy. The procedure is not really painful and only takes a few minutes.

At home later that day, I immediately went online and dug up all the information I could find on Breast Cancer and read all the literature that the breast center had given me. I became obsessed with reading information on Breast Cancer. I assumed I would be a candidate for a lumpectomy and radiation only from what I was originally told. The next night there was a local Breast Cancer support group meeting. The timing was perfect. That night, the meeting was actually designed to discuss new diagnoses and how you felt. I was scared and was certain I had been given a death sentence. Two of the women at the support group were my age and had gone though a lumpectomy and radiation and they could answer all the initial cosmetic and emotional questions that I had at that time. But no one could answer the big question. Will the cancer come back?

My questions to the group were:

What will the scar look like?

Will I have one breast noticeably smaller than the other?

Will my sex drive be changed from this?

The women showed me their scars and this gave me enough confidence that I felt I could go through this ordeal. I believe support groups give you strength to fight. Keeping a positive attitude and good spirits helped me though the next seven months of treatment.

I have a dear friend who is a Colon Cancer survivor and she gave me the phone number to a Comprehensive Cancer Center for a second opinion. I made an appointment the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and met with a genetic counselor, an oncologist surgeon and several nurses. As my sister and my maternal grandmother both died young from Breast Cancer, it was advised that I get a test for the BRAC1&2 genetic mutations. The test results would take 5-6 weeks to return and the surgeon suggested we wait to do the lumpectomy after the results were back. We scheduled sentinel node surgery only.

The next step was going to the surgeon and the oncologist. I met with a local doctor and he suggested that I also meet with an oncologist, as my lump was now 2.2 cm and perhaps chemotherapy would reduce the lump size and a better cosmetic result could be accomplished. I was also scheduled for an MRI. The local doctor indicated that he would have to remove tissue about the size of a lemon to ensure clean margins. I thought about a lemon, not sure if I had much more breast than that, and I wondered how I could look evenly balanced if they removed that much tissue.

After much thought and research, I determined that I wanted to treat THIS cancer first and then worry about the future in the future. I called the surgeon and asked if we could go ahead and do the lumpectomy and node surgery together and then wait. He said “yes as long as I was willing to have surgery twice if the genetic testing was positive”. I was willing. I wanted this cancer out of me! I almost decided that even if the genetic test was positive, I was going to roll those dice and just have the lumpectomy and not bilateral mastectomies – not yet.

The MRI results showed no further questionable area except for an enlarged lymph node in the right breast. I cried with joy when the results came back. My husband and parents were not taking the Breast Cancer news very well. We all had my sister Gale’s memory as our only real Breast Cancer experience. Gale suffered though her treatments and only lived 2 ½ years after she was diagnosed.

My surgery was scheduled for December 7th, and believe me I was really scared - scared of the needles and scared that the cancer was worse then initially diagnosed. My family, friends and co-workers were all praying for me. I believe in the power of prayer and the Lord answered my prayers on December 7^th. The surgery went well. There was NO lymph node invasion and the tumor was only 1.8 CM. The next step was chemotherapy, which began on January 4^th.

Tight Ships...Loose Cannons and the Proverbs 31 Woman Blog Tour

About the Book:
(Homeland, CA) - For all the Christian women in the world who dread reading Proverbs 31 and wonder who on earth could ever live up to that woman - this book is for you. Between dirty diapers, complaining children, housework, husbands and a multitude of other attention-grabbing detours women face, award-winning author and speaker, Kathi Macias finds a way to encourage and biblically instruct women of all ages and phases. Women everywhere are the glue that holds their families together. Keeping everything under control challenges even the most organized household CEO. Kathi uses humor, God's Word, as well as practical insight and instruction to lovingly encourage women to grow in this progression of grace.

Readers will find How Can I Run a Tight Ship When I'm Surrounded by Loose Cannons?: Proverbs 31 Discoveries for Yielding to the Master of the Seas, filled with scriptural explanations and journaling pages to process and write their personal feelings and prayers. With sections of the book focused on each step of the learning process to guide our ships to safe harbor, readers will be happily surprised to find the funny without the fluff. Kathi's words are the "spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down." Her vulnerable approach facilitates the teachings of Proverbs 31, making it easier for women to swallow. The truth of the scriptures is very much alive and well throughout the pages, yet the ease and charm of the author's words entice readers to press forward and embrace the plan for God's woman today.

About the Author:

Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer who has authored 26 books and ghostwritten several others. A former newspaper columnist and string reporter, Kathi has taught creative and business writing in various venues and has been a guest on many radio and television programs. Kathi is a popular speaker at churches, women's clubs and retreats, and writers' conferences. She recently won the prestigious 2008 member of the year award from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) at the annual Golden Scrolls award banquet. Kathi "Easy Writer" Macias lives in Homeland, CA, with her husband, Al, where the two of them spend free time riding their Harley.

Blog Tour Interview:

I understand you sometimes refer to this book as "discipleship with a grin." What do you mean by that, and why did you choose a humor format for a discipleship book?

Actually, I chose a discipleship theme for a humor title. As much as I hate to admit it, the title came to me one day and I knew I had to do something with it--just too good to pass up! So the more I thought/prayed about it, the more I realized it described my life, both naturally and spiritually. I began to try to lay out my spiritual growth via humorous life stories, and found they produced a natural pattern. From there I developed the five stages of spiritual growth into five sections for the book, and I was off and running! Besides, I learned from a friend/mentor years ago that you can "shove a lot of truth down people's throat when their mouth is open laughing," so I figured, why not???

What are some of the funniest "loose cannons" stories included in your book?

One of my favorites is the story of my very first women's retreat as a brand new Christian back in the "Jesus freak" days of baptisms at the beach and praise-ins at the park. I shared a room with three ladies I had never met, one of whom ended up being my "bunk mate." She snored, she was quite a bit overweight (taking up much more than her side of the bed!), and she "leaked" because she was still weaning her youngest child. You'll have to read the story to see how that experience taught me a lot about "spiritual face plants."

Another favorite story is about the time I took my three sons (two pre-teens and one elementary school age at the time) to the community swimming pool. The older boys decided to use their younger brother as a human beach ball, and when they ignored my cries from the side of the pool to stop, I actually had the nerve to jump into the water and swim right up to them and order them to stop. Their level of humiliation at being seen in the pool with their mother was as close to social suicide as it gets. But we all survived and learned a lot in the process.

Your book is divided into five sections. Can you briefly explain what they are and what they have to do with discipleship and humor?

As I mentioned earlier, the five sections correspond with what I consider the five stages of spiritual growth: crawling (infants or "rugrats") on our knees; walking (toddlers who are still a bit shaky but exploring and learning); running (stronger, more mature believers who are beginning to make a difference in their world); flying or soaring (eagles with a solid foundation and maturity to share with others); resting (back on our knees and realizing that place of utter dependence on Him is really the best place to be after all). The discipleship correlation is, I believe, evident in these stages; the humor comes in simply because I'm one of those slow learners who needs God to "hit me upside the head" at times, and I haven't been bashful about explaining those times in the book.

What advice can you give to the young mom out there who is juggling two kids, a fulltime job outside the home, a husband, housework, pets and church?

Life happens in seasons! You CAN'T be all things to all people at all times. It simply doesn't work. And if you don't believe it, read about my many crash-and-burn episodes as I tried! The Proverbs 31 woman is a composite picture of many women from different walks and stages of life; when we get a grip on that, it releases us to enjoy the season we're in right now, even as we prepare for the next one.

How did raising your own children help prepare you for the parenting side of the proverbial woman? Any tips you'd like to share?

Relax and enjoy them! Yes, even the rugrats and teenagers, because "this too shall pass." There were times I thought I'd go bald from pulling out my own hair over the frustrations and failures of that season of my life, but now it's my grandchildren who are passing through those rugrat-to-teen stages, and hey, I still have my hair! You'll make it--and so will your kids--in spite of your frustrations and failures. And yes, I know there are too many of those to mention (or admit to). I'm the queen of mom-failures, and yet my kids never cease to bless me with words of love and praise. Do I deserve it? Probably not. But I love every minute of it!

Do you have a favorite part of the book or a favorite chapter?

Several, in fact, but one in particular: Chapter 26, "Back Home Again," contains the story of my precious father, a man who lived for 88 years denying God's existence and then finally turning to him in his last week of life. It's one of the more serious stories in the book, but even that one ends on a humorous note.

If the Proverbs 31 woman is alive today, what does she look like?

She looks like me--and you--and every woman whose heart longs to please God and to raise her children according to the Scriptures, even though she knows she's doing well just to make sure they all have their sack lunches before they leave for school in the morning. She's thin, overweight, short, tall, black, white, brown, red, yellow, and polka dot when she catches her kids' chicken pox. And she's absolutely beautiful!!!

Are there some specific lessons you hope readers will learn and apply to their lives after reading your book?

I want them to learn to relax and laugh and enjoy this voyage called "life," and to trust the Captain of our souls to take us home safely when our trip is over, rather than struggling to "man the oars" ourselves.

What makes your book different than other books similar to yours that are in circulation today?

There are countless books written for "control freak" women who want to do it all and be it all--perfectly and completely at all times. This one, however, is not only written with a humorous tone, but it also takes the reader through what I call the five steps of spiritual growth: crawling, walking, running, flying--and back on our knees, totally dependent once again. I do this by exposing many of the sometimes humorous--and sometimes not so humorous--events in my own life as I progressed through the five stages.

Are there any authors that either influenced you personally or influenced your style of writing? Who are they and how did they influence you?

Brennan Manning, Henri J. M. Nouwen, and Max Lucado have to be right at the top of my favorite nonfiction authors list, simply because they call me back to the heart of worship, to a fresh appreciation of grace and a clarion call to rely totally upon God and not myself. I need those reminders on a regular basis. In addition, I love their writing styles. Their words "sing," and it is my goal to do the same with the words I write.

When you are not writing, what do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies?

Okay, now I have to 'fess up to how nearly one-dimensional I am. If I'm not writing, I'm...well, reading someone else's writing. That's at the top of my "what I like to do" list. However, I also spend time riding on the back of my husband's 2003 Harley Davidson Road King motorcycle. He's been riding HD's since 1970 and says he will never outgrow that youthful passion. On the road we are known as "Big Al" and "Easy Writer..."

Nurture the Girl

Whenever we read anything that begins with the word nurture, we often think of health. If you’re a woman, you tend to think of your loved ones’ health and nutrition. Let’s face it, if you’re a woman responsible for a family, you refer to your never-ending checklist… physicals, dentist, vitamins, sports, etc. The list goes on and on. However, when it comes to yourself, your list is short in comparison, and I’ll even bet you’re on the bottom of the list.

Women are nurturers by design and we do it well – with everyone else!

Why is that? The simple answer is that we are busy. Most of us work and/or are also involved with our children’s school, the community or our church. We proudly wear the big S underneath our blouses and we hum to the song “I am strong, I am invincible…I am woman”. Unfortunately, being multi-task queens eventually wear us out and causes a lot of damage inside with evidence outside.

Have you ever wondered why you’ve gained or lost a lot of weight, have zits, can’t sleep, are always tired, are depressed, have anxiety attacks and always feel rushed? Do you wonder why weekends are no longer a time of rest? Sounds like you? Don’t feel bad. Sounds like me too but I am learning to live more and exist less. You see, when you’re life is a whirlwind of activities; it sucks out the fun and appreciation of moments. You begin to exist from one rushed moment to the next; one rushed activity to the next; one rushed day to the next.

How do we stop the madness and begin to nurture ourselves? Perhaps you feel that to be last on the list is the wrong thing. That is a misconception and erroneous thinking. How can you nurture well, if you are unhealthy in every area of your life? You are the prime example to all in your care. Your daughters, sons, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. will do the same exact thing when they grow up.

So how do we begin to change and learn to pace ourselves correctly? Begin with this: Remember that you are the temple of the Holy Spirit. That means you have the responsibility to take care of you in every area of your life.

We often think that God is pleased with our do especially when our do includes a list that is a mile long that we have imposed on ourselves. We volunteer for everything and anything and NO is not part of our vocabulary. Perhaps it is time for a change. Maybe it’s time for us to Nurture the Girl. She’s the one that lives inside of you, that voice you constantly hear. She tells you often that she just can’t. She is overwhelmed. She needs help. She needs some nurture time.

Here are some quick steps I’ve incorporated and continue to. It’s a journey and not an over night fix but it is a step in the right direction. How do I know? My teenage daughters have noticed the change about and around me.

1. Give yourself a break. It’s okay if everything cannot get done. Tomorrow is another day.
2. Give yourself some time. Even if it is a couple of hours, alone in the tub, out with a girlfriend or your honey, or alone doing a pedicure or reading a good book.
3. Give yourself some money. Dollars add up. Set aside a few bucks every pay period for yourself. Buy a new dress, shoes, real or costume jewelry. Remember when we used to play princess when we were kids?
4. Give yourself some rest. If you’re truly worn out, send the kid(s) to grandma or whomever you trust and sleep in on a Saturday and don’t feel guilty about it.
5. Give yourself some attention. Make your doctor, dentist and GYN appointments a priority. You’ll live long and get to see your grand babies.
6. Give yourself healthy habits. I remember when I could lose 5 lb in a week. Gosh I’m lucky if I can lose that in a month. Get my drift? Eat right and move.
7. Give yourself permission to say NO. Admit you can’t do it all. It’s liberating.
8. Give yourself the power to delegate. It’s incredible how many people are around you who are just waiting for you to ask.
9. Give yourself the chance to dream. We get frustrated because we don’t have time to work on our dreams. Planning is doing. Perhaps you can’t do it right now but you can plan for when you can.
10. Give of yourself to you. You give to others constantly. Learn to listen to you when she needs you. She is pretty good with warning you when you’re doing too much, need medical attention, basically need nourishment physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

We can be our worst enemies or our best caregivers. It has nothing to do with being selfish and everything to do with being a great nurturer.

Nurturer…nurture thy self…nurture the girl.

Either He Is or He Isn't

There are times when we hit a juncture in the road and we question everything we’ve been taught and believe in. This often occurs when hardship or tragedy strikes us at the very core. It makes us question the sovereignty of God. In most cases, these raw moments become a benchmark for change.

A Broken World

In the United States, we pride ourselves in the freedoms that most countries do not have. However, there is a freedom that we all possess that surpasses all others. It’s called the freedom of choice. We are free to choose everything and anything for our lives. It’s our God-given right, and it is something He will not violate. This includes the choice to live a life with or without God.

We live in a broken world. To ignore that is foolishness. We all recognize that there is good and there is evil. However, for some reason, it’s become easier for many to blame God for everything and easily dismiss the reality of driving force behind what’s evil.

Unanswered Prayers

Our families had been healthy for the most part but a few years ago, a few things occurred that really tested our faith to the very core. One of those events was the death of my cousin’s 4 year old son; my nephew. You see our prayers weren’t answered the way that we expected. We prayed for healing. Our expectation was to watch him grow up to be a strapping young man.

Many of us call ourselves Christians but we really don’t understand what that means. Usually it’s a title we use to define our religion. Here is where most of us miss it. We go through the motions or traditions, but we often wonder if God is really out there, especially when our prayers go unanswered.

Either He Is or He Isn’t

It was during one of those junctures in my road that I questioned, I mean really posed the question to myself. Either He is or He isn’t? I was tired of hearing about what God could do, and I was tired of not seeing that in full effect in my life.

When I questioned this, it had nothing to do about my salvation. I knew I was saved. Acknowledging His existence was not a challenge. The challenge was to allow Him to work in my life and the choice to believe in His sovereignty in any case and trust Him in all and with all.

The easiest part for me was to accept sovereignty. The hardest part was to trust totally (an ongoing journey).

• To trust totally meant that my prayers had to change and become bold and daring and not continue to be wimpy and wishful.
• To trust totally meant that when I prayed, I had to hand it over and not obsess and stress over the situation.
• To trust totally meant that I had to relinquish total control or the illusion of control.
• Finally, my expectation had to become that the answer to my prayers were no longer restricted to my time line or the confines of my exact request.
  

AJ’s Legacy

I don’t know why my nephew died at such a young age. I believe the answers to my whys will become clear one day because living here is just a prelude. I will see AJ again and I look forward to watching him race with the angels.

In the mean time, I don’t let my unanswered questions weigh me down. What’s the point?

Here’s what I do know. I know that my nephew made an unbelievable positive impact in his 4 short years that many do not make in a lifetime. Other prayers were answered because of him. His ripple effects are still being felt today. That continues to bring me great comfort.

The Choice

Here’s something I live by.

I refuse to live a life stuck in the past, a life wondering about the future and a life scared to live in the present. How? …I’ve chosen to trust God.

Either He is or He isn’t…and for me…He is.

© Roz Humphreys
The contents on this website are all copyright protected under U.S. and International copyright laws. You may not reprint anything on this website without the expressed written permission of the author. If you'd like to reprint anything on this website, please email the author at rozcorner@yahoo.com .

I am a Queen

So you’re probably wondering why I say I am a Queen – remember with a capital Q!

When we think about a Queen, we automatically think of some rich woman on a throne and honestly, most cannot relate with her. In our minds the comparison does not jive. This is why most women dismiss the compliment of being called a Queen. However, there are others who take this title to heart and a bit to the extreme, and they strut through life believing that everyone in their world has to jump at a snap of their fingers. Why does balance elude us when it comes to these types of things?

What is a Queen?

A Person of Influence

Whether you believe it or not, you influence your world. If you have children, your job is to mold them into people who can enter and contribute to society. If you don’t have children, you help mold your nieces, nephews, siblings or your friend’s children.

At your job, even if you’re not a manager, your choices and suggestions make a difference and impact in your department or organization. In your community, you affect the economy financially and if you volunteer to help with any sports or events, you inspire others through the giving of yourself.

A Person of Authority

We all have authority. We authorize who can take one of our kid’s out of school, who can be added into on of our accounts, we transact throughout our lives. We are the boss of our kids and we have clout or a say so in many arenas of our lives. To most of us it’s just routine, part of life. Part of life or not, you possess authority.

A Person of Wealth

Wealth or being rich is often times equated with money. Here is where most people miss it. You can be wealthy without having loads of money. You can have a wealth of friends, wealth of family, wealth of health, wealth of wisdom and influence. This can also be interpreted as being prosperous. When I think of how blessed I am I don’t look solely to the almighty dollar. I look at the entire picture and I smile at the realization of how incredibly blessed - wealthy I am.

A Person of Dominion

When God created Eve, He told her that she had dominion. For some reason a lot of us forget that as women. This reality roles up all of the above mentioned into this one. Our kingdom is our realm of influence, authority and wealth in our various circles. Most times we do not realize the impacts we have in the lives of others. Remember the ripple effect. A ripple becomes wider the further out it goes after a small stone is tossed into a pond.

Daughter of God

Whether you believe or not, accept it or not, you are the daughter of the King of kings.

When you realize that, all of the above make sense and begins to fall into place. You begin to see yourself differently and this is what occurs:

1. Your standards become much higher. (Side note: This means you expect a man to treat you with love and not abuse you emotionally, verbally or physically).
2. You understand the importance of excellence. You expect excellence. You do all in excellence. (Side note: You wait for the right man and don’t settle or accept less than. Stop making excuses.)
3. You look for opportunities to better yourself. Remember you are an influence in your circles. Purpose in your heart to learn something new everyday.
4. You look for opportunities to help others. When you focus on others, it stops you from asphyxiating on your current problems. You’d be surprised how you find the answers to your own problems when you help others.
5. You understand the importance to maintain and grow healthy relationships or release bad ones.
6. You understand that it is critical to nurture yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and socially constantly and without fail.
7. You understand the responsibility that goes with your actions and how your actions, big or small influence your world and the world of others.

You are a Queen. I am a Queen. We are Queens.

We are Queens in God’s kingdom…act like one.

We are Queens in our home…act like one.

We are Queens wherever our pretty little feet bring us…Act like one.

It doesn’t matter if our crowns are rollers, our robes are made of terry and our throne room is the kitchen, we are Queens.

Back straight, shoulders back, heads held high.

We are Queens.

You are a Queen.

Next Blog: Nurture the Girl

© Roz Humphreys
The contents on this website are all copyright protected under U.S. and International copyright laws. You may not reprint anything on this website without the expressed written permission of the author. If you'd like to reprint anything on this website, please email the author at rozcorner@yahoo.com .